Accounts from an INFP & a Muslim Singaporean son

FAILED YET AGAIN

Monday, January 25, 2016

My number tag was called out. I wish it was a mistake. I wish it was all a nightmare I can wake up from. I can't get over this failure yet again. It is really embarrassing leaving the room when I saw a handful of female testees still in the room. My heartache grew worse when I proceed to top-up my account for the umpteenth time. It is really ridiculous how much I've spent so far. In fact I don't have any other major spendings ever since graduating from JC besides this. It has also made my life seems meaningless as long as I have not passed this test. It gets so bad that I don't even want to talk to anyone about this besides to my family members. As much as I feel like giving up, I am going to come back stronger and prevent making the same mistakes.

relevant as ever

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

“I love being on my own when I’m traveling. It’s great, I get to be independent and do my own thing and plan my own schedule. But sometimes, there are days where I just suddenly get so lonely that I feel like everything’s collapsing in on me, and I just want to have some sort of company and familiarity. Despite all the amazing time that I’m having, I want to be able to share a meal with someone I know. It’s weird and it’s contradictory to everything I stand for - being independent and self-sufficient what not - but it still happens. It’s like however hard we try, we’re still social creatures at the end of the day.”

A photo posted by Humans of Singapore (@humansofsingapore) on Jan 12, 2016 at 1:32am PST

organised chaos

Friday, January 01, 2016

May this be the year things go my way. I can't help but feel that I've achieved nothing in 2015. The only commendable milestone would be passing out from 22nd Section Commander Course. You win some and you lose some. I am more than pleased to be where I am right now though my only gripe is the lack of lepak sessions with my bros. I miss how we lepak so often man. If not for our jalan raya I don't even think I get to meet them as a group.

Sometimes I do wish I am posted to a different station. At least one which has visitors on Saturday and has more interaction with the public. Perhaps I am immature as it is not considered glamorous to be in my station unlike the other heartland stations. Oh well. I will miss this one day so might as well cherish it and make the best out of the remaining 14 months plus. Shall aim to be part of NDP this year.This way, I believe the year will go by faster lol.

Personal life aside, this year is the year my brother is getting married. Somehow in disbelief that it's happening so soon. Life goes on. That piece of paper with a series of letters that crushed me last year now doesn't seem to define me as much. The people who I thought won't be part of my life anymore are still here. There is beauty in chaos.

2016 countdown venue